One of the most powerful things a woman can do during a time of break up with a romantic partner is to honor, nurture and love herself completely. It can be very helpful during this process to be a part of a community or to be open to receiving the aid of a mentor, coach or guide who can assist her through this process. While self-help books can be great, it is very easy to slip back into old patterns without the support that may be necessary in assisting her to deepening her love of self, honoring her divine connection to the source and accepting herself totally and fearlessly. Having that connection with other people who can help us to remain focused on honoring ourselves totally and making choices that serve our highest purpose can be key.
I think of myself in graduate school during the time in which I left an unhealthy marriage. I moved out in the middle of my first semester with the hope that things might change between us. I remember going through the motions in school and at work not really being able to be fully present. I was not mentally present because I was focusing on my suffering and disappointment as well as my perceptions of a future without this particular relationship. I know that having a supportive guide could have helped me to experience and move through the grieving process while retaining my power and vision for my life. While I certainly kept some of my vision and hope, I definitely experienced more than my share of that sense of defeat and failure.
I was totally unaware of the impact that energetic healing could have made on my state of mind, my emotions, thoughts, perceptions and my overall reality. While I reached for massage, reflexology and getting my toes done, I really needed to make some mental shifts that could help me remain in a place that celebrated the beauty of each moment, regardless of what I was perceiving, experiencing and feeling emotionally. I found this serenity through my spiritual practices which included energy healing, prayer, meditation and fasting.
Energetic healing can help one move through these emotionally challenging relationships with full-on clarity and a real sense of purpose and power. The most powerful encounter I have had with dealing with letting go of one of the most challenging relationships was through fasting combined with energy work. Removing food from the daily experience and replacing the time that we normally think about our appetites with thoughts of the beloved, the divine, the creator, the magnificence of our oneness with all that is can offer profound revelations about our perceptions and what we are really here to accomplish. Through my time of letting go, I allowed the spirit to move through me as it needed to instead of trying to control outcomes. I became more open to the precious moments of each day rather than looking back or forward. In addition, I was able to meet the people who would later teach me about using my energy not only for my own healing but also in service to others.
Relationship with Self
During the rough spots in married life as well as after the divorce, I was able to understand how nothing externally had anything to do with my true happiness. For years prior to being married, I was typically focusing on a goal in the future. After achieving a goal, I would already have another goal to focus on. In retrospect, I can see that I was rarely fully present and appreciative of the gifts of the moment because I was so busy looking to the future for my joy.
As a Woman Thinketh (Allen's work transcribed for women by Dorothy Hulst) states,
". . . A woman can find every truth connected with her being, if she will dig deep into the mine of her soul; and that she is the maker of her character, the moulder of her life, and the builder of her destiny, she may unerringly prove, if she will watch, control, and alter her thoughts, tracing their effects upon herself, upon others, and upon her left and circumstances, linking cause and effect by patient practice and investigation, and utilizing her every experience, even to the most trivial, everyday occurrence, as a means of obtaining that knowledge of herself which is Understanding, Wisdom, Power. In this direction, as in no other, is the law absolute that "she that seeketh findeth, and to her that knocketh it shall be opened."
I have made a commitment to digging deeper within myself to find that which needs to come forth in this lifetime. This is a daily practice and I know that I must do this in order to live. I have made a commitment to assist others through the various opportunities that a lifetime can offer for loving ourselves and accepting others for who they are, where they are, without judgment.
Someone asked me to give them tips on what I had done at times of relationship break ups. I was amazed by the extensive toolkit (better yet, trunk) that I have created in order to sustain myself during these emotionally charged moments.
~My relationship to the Creator along with the Yuen Method of energy healing was the most effective along with fasting and prayer. I use the Yuen Method along with transmission of the universal life force in the healing work that I do. This work is quick, it reduces stress, creates clarity, peace and a major opening for shifting awareness and perceptions from thoughts and emotions that are not of service to those which promote healing on all levels.
~Acts of selfless service/community service can do wonders for your soul and help others too.
~Meditation: Jerome Gross' meditation in Kensington; check out Deer Park or the Self-Realization Center.
~ Making connection with the earth
~Swimming in the ocean/lying in the sand - enjoying salt water or taking sea salt baths (try adding quartz crystal or essential oil).
~Yoga and Tai Chi (In San Diego, my favorites are Jerome Gross' yoga class, Adesh Kaur's yoga class and Falun Gong in Balboa Park).
~ Creative self-expression through art, music, writing, singing and dancing.
~Running or walking, especially in the dirt, sand or grass.
~Just allowing yourself to be and feel your emotions, without judgment.
~Consuming water, fresh organic fruits and vegetables (high vibration foods).
~Decrease or eliminate processed foods and chemicals: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, etc.
~Inspirational music and discussions: http://www.hayhouseradio.com/, Michael Beckwith http://www.agapelive.com/ and so many others.
~ Books that have been very helpful: The Four Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz; Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior, Chogyam Trungpa; The Bible; Tao Te Ching; The Sutra of Hui-Neng; The Law of Attraction, Esther and Jerry Hicks: Everyday Zen, Charlotte Joko Beck; A Woman's Worth, Marianne Williamson; Rebirth of the Goddess, Carol P. Christ; A Course In Miracles; If the Buddha Dated, Charlotte Kasl; A New Earth: Awakening Your Life's Purpose, Eckhart Tolle; Heal Thyself, Queen Afua.
I feel that one of the main objectives in moving through challenging transitions is to be able to fully feel emotions and experience our thoughts with the ability to move beyond them, arriving at our inner sanctuary of love and wholeness. Harnessing the power within and learning to use the daily experiences to propel one further into the magnificence that is, indeed, our birthright can be a truly powerful experience for us as well as a tremendous gift to others.
I find that the more loving and accepting of myself that I can be, the more love that I have to give to others in every area of my life. My offering of love can be given without expectation of gain but simply as an offering of love because I understand that is what I am here to do: to love fearlessly and to fearlessly love.